Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
