I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am naked and annoyed.
I want a musical about memes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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