When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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