when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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