Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
