Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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