hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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