I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
