did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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