Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
