Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
