you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
