hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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