For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize