omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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