So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
