She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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