I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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