Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
