I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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