I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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