Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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