If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
