This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
