We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
