not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
