Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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