i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
