then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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