If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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