I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm having to shit out rocks
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