you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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