Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
