There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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