I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
