yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
