My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
