I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
