This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
