I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
birth control should be required to get into college
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
