I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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