your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
