So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
