sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize