If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
