I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
