I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize