I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
