she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
