dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
