i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
