3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize