She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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