I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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