meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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