We're like a lot better than the average bears
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
