Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
