why didn't you poke me back
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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