Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
