After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
