need another drink. this is the easiest way
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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