Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
