I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
