just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
