Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
