dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize