It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
