I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
