wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize