I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
