The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
