He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
