I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
